3 for 3!!!!!

….ok you can stop your applause.

Well I had plans to wake up for 5:30 am spin class but my body had other plans. I woke up at 3 and barfed twice. Let me just says, throwing up kale…is freaking disgusting. Needless to say I was NOT in the mood to go torture myself two and half hours later. I let the ol’ belly settle and decided to do yoga on my comcast on demand instead (it’s pretty much all ashtanga Yoga which I like much more than hatha or bikram) HOLY GUACAMOLE…that was no joke. At times in certain poses, my heartrate was in the 140 and 150s. I tried to do some of the level 2 moves but stuck mostly with the easier ones since I am no yogi. I will definitely be doing this one again! Doing it made me see how unflexible and unbalanced I am.

At least I can pretend to look like a yogi standing up. Any kind of pose with leg lifting and I look like cripple…

My day was looooong and boring.

It consisted of this:

sitting outside of work trying to freckle my legs.

It was a very dull day with only one client. Wednesdays are always slow…today was no exception.

I like wearing my hair like this…no muss no fuss.

After work, I was bored and decided to bake!

How cute are these measuring cups my mom got me for xmas???!?!?!

SO SO SO CUTE! I looooved russian dolls as a little kid!

These were NOT the meringues I dreamed they would be. The vanilla was way too strong in my opinion. Perhaps its for the best because if they tasted like these I would eat all of them. The grocery store doesnt have anymore of those meringues and I am trying to just accept it…but my addiction is strong.

After trying my meringues and being annoyed by their non-deliciousness, I watered the garden since today is the first day it hasn’t rained and being in direct sunlight, a lot of them get pissy very easily.

Any ideas what kind of annuals I should plant for the summer once my  spring annuals go RIP on me????

After we tended to the garden, Roxy and I went for a walk.

I run by these honeysuckle a lot and I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing they smell. The smells of summer always floor me. This morning I went outside and it was the perfect mix of cut grass and flowers and warm weather. Its hard to describe but Im sure you get the idea.

Dinner was easy: Poblano, Black Bean, and  Mango Quesdillas.

YUM!

Grateful 5:

1. Not being busy at work makes me appreciate the days I am busy. My slow days are getting fewer and fewer but it always reminds me that when I am crazy-ass busy with no time for lunch…at least I am busy!

2. Having an awesome chiropractor. He’s so positive, so sweet, and always giving me great advice about any number of things. We had a discussion about me using soymilk in my green smoothies…and as usual, I will be following his advice and switching to just hemp milk with whey powder.

3. I get to run tomorrow…Im excited!

4.  Getting back some $$$ from my taxes.

5. Finding  balance/moderation in my food journaling and how seriously I take it.

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Can it be….two posts in a row! Girl, thats crazy !!!!!!!(I am well known for saying this at work. Its my phrase)

Today was a good day. I woke up thanks to my trusty 4-legged alarm, fiddled around online for awhile (and posted this!), and got down to business…doing an easy 3 miler. This of course turned out to be NOT easy at all. Im not sure what my deal was but it was a struggle.  I’m going to blame the humidity, it takes a lot out of you. Luckily I still had enough energy to bust out 3/4 of Jackie Warner’s Power Circuit Training (legs/booty/chest/arms/back)

My goal is to do something active for at least 30 minutes (running 3x/doing a dvd, spinning, cardio 3x) 6 days a week. I am DETERMINED to actually feel decent in my bathing suit this year. I’ve made the decision to also keep a food diary and track my caloric intake.  Im simply just trying to get in my 5-9 servings of veggies, at least 6 glasses of water, at least 60 grams of protein, and trying to watch my fats (minus things like avocado, olive oil, nuts) plus hopefully burn more calories than I consume. So far so good. I know it starts to go in a direction I don’t like…I’ll quit. Simple as that.

Awesome busy work day (waxing/facial/makeup/makeup/waxing….go gen go!) followed by an even more awesome dinner.

Black bean burger with half an avocado and sweet potato fries with greek yogurt garlic-basil dipping sauce.

Get in my belly!

I can’t believe its almost June…where did May go?

What did YOU eat for dinner?

Grateful 5:

1. Warm weather. It was so cold last week and now its great (albeit a little humid)

2. Being busy at work..and having wonderful clients. I truly enjoy seeing them every month.

3. Having curly hair. I HATED my curls when they suddenly appeared in 6th grade. Its been a longggg process…but I love that I can wear my hair so many ways. Its so nice to shower, scrunch in some gel, and goooooo! The result is really pretty spiral curls.

4. athletic tape. My arch of my right foot and ankle feel wonky today… taping it  immediately made a difference.

5. Making good choices that make my body happy.

Posted in Uncategorized, cooking/baking | 2 Comments »

I weighed myself for the first time since Thanksgiving. The number was once again NOT what I imagined it would be and while initially VERY disappointed and ashamed..I realized maybe numbers REALLY don’t matter that fucking much. One would assume after over a decade of eating disorder therapy, groups, nutritionists, books, etc etc etc this would be an easy pill to swallow but it has never been easy. For someone who loathes math so much, I give numbers the utmost importance: the “right” weight, the “right” size, the “right” amount of calories/fat/protein, she/he ate this so I ate that, blahfreakinblah.
I know I look better than I did in November irregardless of how much I have lost (or not lost in this case). I know I am in better shape. My clothes fit so much better and people tell me that I look good/smaller. Its not my ideal size/weight and I know I can look leaner and would like to…but maybe a number is just that…a number.
It’s a thought and just a thought but I am giving it more “weight” than I ever have before.

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When will I stop shoving things down in hopes of it just not mattering or doubting the validity of my feelings? When will I stop being so terrified of being left behind? Will I ever have the ability to stand my ground when my view is challenged?

Why do I just tuck my tail between my legs and sing this song?

how sick of me
must you be
by now
while you're standing just outside
of what your pride will allow
always reaching into yourself
to find a new way to understand me
when i'm sure that there's no one else
in the world
who could withstand me

I wish it were morning and I could just run and run and run until my head felt less cloudy and my dumb heart didnt frustrate me so.

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my site had a small nervous breakdown but have no fear…i am back and ready to blog.

My grateful 5:

1. Treadmills. I don’t like treadmills and I never will…but they are a wonderful thing to have when it’s too snowy to run or too dark. Realistically I COULD have run in the snow today but it really doesn’t feel good in my opinion. So I went to the gym after work and did 2 looooooooong borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring miles on the dreadmill. It was rather dreadful but it got done and thats what matters!

2.Amy’s Organic Meals. I know eating a frozen meal makes me some kind of traitor to what most of my friends stand for but gosh dang it, sometimes I just do NOT feel like cooking and you can only eat cereal for dinner so often.

Thank you Amy…whoever you are.

3. Weekends with Matt and the weenies. So simple and yet everything I need.

4. Getting my eyebrows waxed. I always feel so much more manicured after I get them done.

5. The ability to say no to the STRONG craving I have inside of me to go get a chocolate milkshake RIGHT NOW!!!! I want one so bad…why?!?!?!?!!?

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Gratitude list for today:

1. 5:30 spin class. Its a bitch to wake up for and I pretty much am not interested in being there until my butt has been on the saddle for a minute or so…but man, is it worth it! Great workout.

2. Nights to myself. I love having friends and a boyfriend who take up most of my time but occasionally I love a night to myself. I’ve lounged all night, played online, cleaned here and there, ate cereal for dinner, and am watching a movie that no one would probably even want to watch (the 500 fingers of Dr. T. Very weird.). Just me and the fur-kids doing our thing.

3. The fact that my cat has to lie ON me all the time. She’s annoying and weird but she loves me  a lot and it makes me happy.

4. Roxy’s need for outside adventures. She cracks me up. This week has surrounded a piece of pizza she obsesses over but cannot eat (because I wont let her)

5. My Clarisonic Mia Brush. Best purchase everrrrr. My skin has never felt so smooth.

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A blog I read daily always has a list of 5 things she is grateful for.

Every day I see this, I think…hey I should do that!

So this is me…doing that.

Today:

1.Today would have been my grandfather’s 89th birthday. Every year on his birthday and death day my dad scans photos and sends them to us all. My dad sent me this with a note telling me how much I look like my grandfather. I don’t look like my mom or my dad and seeing that I really do look like him especially with these photos side by side…made my day.

2. Pho soup. Delicious!!

3. My ability to getting my anxiety down is getting better and better. I had a small “freak out” over a situtation with a client today that probably was not THAT big a deal but still shook me as it made me feel like my integrity as an esthetician was at stake. Letting the anger/anxiety go and not letting it completely and totally ruin the rest of my night like it might have at one point is always something I value.

4. Laughing. I laughed until I couldn’t breathe tonight, it was awesome.

5. I ran today. I hope I never take being physical and active for granted. You can get sick or injured at any moment and I have really come to realize it’s a privilege to have a body that works and runs and walks and goesgoesgoes.

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I cut my hair off last week.
I have yet to decide if I like it.
The cut is great and the stylist duplicated the picture almost exactly…
but the asymmetry keeps throwing me off.
I am 85% sure I will be cutting off the other side soon.
I am also 85% sure that I need to stop caring what people think about how I look.
Easier said than done.

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