I love making lists and I love trying to better myself in some shape or another…so obviously New Years resolutions are extremely exciting to me.

Fitness/Health

• Keep up my running/spinning/weights. Running 3x a week, Spinning 2x a week, weights 3x a week.
• If my hip agrees to it, train and take on the Charlottesville half marathon. I’m back up to 2 miles…and I have 4 months to do 11.1 more.
• Try and become a spin instructor.

Mental Health

• Really truly make an effort to accept my body for what it is. There are parts of me that are so hard to like and frustrate me so much because they don’t look the way my head says they should look. And even more frustrating is that in order to feel “acceptable” “pretty” “beautiful” and to have a certain body, I would have to do things I don’t want to do anymore. THUS…I am left to accept the body I have, make tweaks that are healthy, but overall get it through my thick skull…that I will always have hips and bigger legs.
• Continue my art journaling.
• Get off Depakote.

MISC

• Try my hand at jewelry making.
• Cook 1x a week.
• Read Gaining, The Last Lecture, Finding Your Own North Star (one of my mom’s favorites), The 4 Agreements, Three Cups of Tea
• Take photos. Stop worrying that I will never be as good as Matt (because I wont) and because of that, never taking any. Find the happiness it used to give…and just do it.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

What are your resolutions?

Posted in body image, life | 3 Comments »

Time for the survey I do every year….

01 What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
fell in love with a tailless kitty, ran a 8k, took on my fear of doing brazilian waxes, ran a 8: took spinning classes (and loved it), went to Hawaii.

02 Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My goals from last year:
FITNESS/HEALTH GOALS:
1. Run the Apple Blossom 10k in an hour and 5 minutes or less. (did not do. thanks hip)
2. To run the Rock&Roll Hal Marathon in 2 hours and 15 minutes.(did not do. thanks hip)
3. To start adding fitness dvds back into my exercise routine. (did this every so often. now that i belong to the gym theres really no point)
4. Taking my vitamins/fish oils more regularly (meh)
5. Lose 15 more lbs. (FML)
MENTAL HEALTH GOALS:
1. Stop picking at myself so much. Its a horrible ocd habit I have and it makes me really embrassed. It’s def. gotten better but I’d really like to put it to rest. (still not 100% no picking. i suck)
2. Make sure that my exercising stays healthy and that I lose weight in a healthy manner. (I struggled with this some this spring but I think my relationship with exercise is the best it has ever been. I do it, I do it regularly, and I dont JUST do it to lose weight.)
3. Write in my lj more. (Did not do. No biggie)
4. Start taking pictures and posting them. (Did not do)
MISC:
1.Decorate my stupid apartment and stop feeling so embrassed of it. (done )
2. Find a really awesome place to live once my lease is up. (DONE!)
3. Buy clothes out of my safety zone. (sometimes)
4. Read the following books:
eat pray love (DONE)
gaining (did not do…i need to)

03 Did anyone close to you give birth?
YES!
My cousin Alicia gave birth to the beautiful Miss Austen in January and a few months later my dear friend Micah gave birth to the equally beautiful Pru.

04 Did anyone close to you die?
No.

05 What countries did you visit?
N/A

06 What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Confidence.

07 What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 4-The guy I dated through high school and college was in a cycling accident and ended up in a coma for 16 days. Those two weeks taught me a lot about forgiveness and letting go of what people may have done and simply wanting the best for someone.
January 8- my 10 year sobriety anniversary.
March 1-the day my hip started hurting. It may seem dumb to people but my hip injury really impacted a lot of my year in terms of all the things I planned to do but couldn’t not to mention there were periods of time where I was in a fair amount of pain.
March 21-Matt qualified for Boston! I dont know if I have ever been so proud of him. Seeing him run by after the 3:10 group and realizing he had made his goal made me SOSOSO happy I had tears in my eyes.
April 4- The day my dad told me my step-mom left him.
June 16-My bosses closed the spa, left town with our paychecks, and turned out to be completely different people than I could have even expected.
July 19- HAWAII!!!
Dec 16- Roxy’s surgery.

08 What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Learning to move on.

09 What was your biggest failure?
Letting my insecurities dictate my behavior. (same as last year)

10 Did you suffer illness or injury?
Whats up hip bursitis!!?!?

11 What was the best thing you bought?
My handy dandy portable facial machine!

12 Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine…sometimes.

13 Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My previous employers. Nuff said.

14 Where did most of your money go?
The animals<3, groceries, books, food. I wish I could say I spent my money on more exciting things.

15 What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Work! The animals! Matt! Spinning! Running! HAWAII!!!!!!!!

16 What song will always remind you of 2009?
Good Life by Kanye West.

17 Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? HAPPIER.
b) thinner or fatter? About the same :/ But wayyyy stronger!
c) richer or poorer? poorer.

18 What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I had gotten to do more running and completed the goals I had planned.

19 What do you wish you’d done less of?
Obsessing and feeling bad about the way I look. Crying over stuff I couldn’t change.

20 How will you be spending Christmas?
Well since Christmas is gone…we spent the morning together unwrapping gifties and then the rest of the day at my mom’s with my family.

21 How will you be spending New Years?
Watching Matt play.

22 Did you fall in love in 2009?
Always. I am in stupidly in love with my dream boy.

23 How many one-night stands?
Homie dont play that.

24 What was your favorite TV program?
CRIMINAL MINDS followed by Hoarders, Meet the Natives…and JERSEY SHORE.

25 Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yup.

26 What was the best book you read?
Eat Pray Love

27 What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lady Gaga.
I hate even saying it but I listen to her ALL THE TIME at the gym or while I run.

28 What did you want and get?
I dont know how to answer this. Life threw some curve balls this year and thus the things I planned and wanted didnt happen. But thats ok. Thats life. At the end of the day I have everything I need.

29 What did you want and not get?
I wanted to start working with a plastic surgeon and doing laser work. That didnt happen.

30 What was your favorite film of this year?
The Blindside!!!

31 What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
For my 26th birthday Matt, Ellen, and I got up early and went on a 16 mile adventure (we biked & matt ran) Afterwards Matt and I ate Burger King because it was Saturday, took a glorious nap, went clothes shopping for me, and prepared for our trip to Hawaii which was the next day. Awesome and laid back..just the way I like it!

32 What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Hard to say.

33 How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Black…with a white lab coat.

34 What kept you sane?
Medication DUH!

35 Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Fuck celebrities.

36 What political issue stirred you the most?
The economy…it terrifies me.

37 Who did you miss?
All the friends I’ve made along the way who I never see or hardly see.
Katie…her not being here is really hard sometimes.

38 Who was the best new person you met?
Stubbs, she was a wonderful surprise.
And Communikate!

39 Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Sometimes, its too good to be true…and everything happens for a reason, even if that reason isn’t made clear to you yet.

40 Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won’t all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good”

Posted in body image, life, matthew, pets, work | 3 Comments »

My little one is home.
My christmas is perfect.

Tags: Roxy
Posted in pets | 1 Comment »

All I want for Christmas is for Roxy to come home.
I miss her so much.
The apartment feels empty without her. I miss her warm little body snuggled next to mine in bed, I miss her random attacks on toys which would last all of 2 minutes and be full of squeaking, I miss her playing with the laser pointer, I miss her crying and peeing uncontrollably on her back when one of her favorite people comes over, I miss her “time to eat” dance, and most of all I miss a little bundle under a blanket with only a snout sticking out.
Even though the surgery is done and she is slowly progressing, she isn’t home due to the fact that she cannot yet urinate on her own.
I just want her home.
I want her home because even if she isnt doing any of the things mentioned above and most of them she may not be doing for some time, she will be here.
I just want to see her sweet little face and kind brown eyes and know that she is safe and sound.

Please be ready to come home tomorrow, little Doodle, because nothing feels right without you here.

Tags: Roxy
Posted in pets | No Comments »

traveled hundreds of miles

snuggled and napped countless hours

and made new friends

As I write she is having surgery to correct/cure two ruptured discs in her back.

It is something I have feared for a long time and while I have prepared myself that this could happen (it is very common for dachshunds to have back issues),

hearing the neurosurgeon say yesterday “we need to operate”

was veryveryvery hard.

I waiting patiently by the phone to hear the 2 hour surgery went well.

She is a tough little girl and despite her penchant for histrionics and being a drama queen,

I know she can come back from this ok.

I hope to bring her home Saturday or Sunday.

It will be just like old times, 5 years ago…when me and my best friend first met.

Tags: Roxy
Posted in pets | 5 Comments »

art journal: Starting an art journal is a powerful way to move beyond words in your daily writing practice. Not only does working with images access a different part of our brains than words, making art is a source of playfulness and creative joy.

Its really cool how inspired I have already felt since getting it. I really hope I stick with it.

Tags: art journal
Posted in art, body image, life | 1 Comment »

I decided the other day to make a “dream xmas wish list”
Its nice to dream and since I know I really wont get any of these items (either because they are WAY too expensive…or cant be bought), its at least fun to talk about them. I consider myself to be a pretty non-materialistic individual so it can’t be bad to be so every so often…right?

The list.
1.

“Large-scale Wood Assemblage, Hidden Under the Pear Tree (2009)”

by the amazing artist Dolan Geiman.

Its only 2,800! Haha.

2.
Big professional brush set to do free lance makeup with. I feel gross using my own brushes no matter how well I sterilize them and I like the idea of them all matching.

3.
This body. Santa please???

4.
The confidence and openess to start being creative again.
(this is an album cover for the band azure ray and i am obsessively in love with it for some reason.)

5.
Another weenie!!!

6.
For my hip to stick with the program and allow me to run the Charlottesville half marathon in April. Also for me to stay motivated enough to go from where I am at now to being able to run 13.1 miles in 4 months.

7.
the fancy pants micro machine I worked with at my old work. And the ability to shrink it down to transportable size…

Tags: lists
Posted in life | No Comments »

I dont quite understand how it is already December.
It seems like yesterday Matt and I were living in my old yucky apartment, Kodak was still a puppy, I was only working part-time at my old job, and didnt even think I wanted a cat…and yet here it is a year later!!!
It’s like the weather finally got the memo and right on the first, it turned REALLY cold.
Christmas songs are on 24/7 at work and I am stressing on how to make this a special Christmas by getting everyone really good/thoughtful gifts without going broke.
I really cannot believe it is December..

I am weird in many ways and one of the many ways I am weird is that I LOVE making goals.
I suppose this is for the most part a good thing.
I am motivated by the thought of being “better” no matter if better actually means anything to anyone but me.
The problem lies that I sometimes make bigger goals than I can attain and sometimes am a little hard on myself if such and such goal isnt achieved in set period of time…or at all.

So here are the goals for December:
1. Run 3x a week, do strength training 3x a week, do spin classes 2-3x week.
2. Be more mindful of what I eat, how I eat, and why I choose the foods I eat.
3. Drink more water.
4. Buy everyone a handmade gift for Xmas.
5. Stop being such a procrastinator in the morning.
6. Believe in the good.

Tags: lists
Posted in life | No Comments »

I cut my hair off last week.
I have yet to decide if I like it.
The cut is great and the stylist duplicated the picture almost exactly…
but the asymmetry keeps throwing me off.
I am 85% sure I will be cutting off the other side soon.
I am also 85% sure that I need to stop caring what people think about how I look.
Easier said than done.

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »