Gratitude list for today:

1. 5:30 spin class. Its a bitch to wake up for and I pretty much am not interested in being there until my butt has been on the saddle for a minute or so…but man, is it worth it! Great workout.

2. Nights to myself. I love having friends and a boyfriend who take up most of my time but occasionally I love a night to myself. I’ve lounged all night, played online, cleaned here and there, ate cereal for dinner, and am watching a movie that no one would probably even want to watch (the 500 fingers of Dr. T. Very weird.). Just me and the fur-kids doing our thing.

3. The fact that my cat has to lie ON me all the time. She’s annoying and weird but she loves me  a lot and it makes me happy.

4. Roxy’s need for outside adventures. She cracks me up. This week has surrounded a piece of pizza she obsesses over but cannot eat (because I wont let her)

5. My Clarisonic Mia Brush. Best purchase everrrrr. My skin has never felt so smooth.

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Gratitude list for today:

1. Dinner with friends. Tonight was meatloaf with sour cream&chive mashed  potatoes! Nomnomnom.

2. Rest days. I gave my legs a break today…and they appreciated it.

3. My heating blanket. Oh how I love that thing! If Matt (aka the human heater) isnt in my bed, I get cold VERY easily. Plus I’ve been trying to keep the apartment at 70 degrees no matter how cold it gets out and being an older building, it gets quite drafty! Ive been reading Slammerkin the past week and snuggling into my pre-warmed bed just makes the late-night reading that much better!

4. Books. I have been so into reading lately. Now that I’ve finished Slammerkin, I want to re-read several other period pieces like The Crimson Petal and the White & Fingersmith.

5. Being busy at work. This past week has really been busier and I am so grateful.

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A blog I read daily always has a list of 5 things she is grateful for.

Every day I see this, I think…hey I should do that!

So this is me…doing that.

Today:

1.Today would have been my grandfather’s 89th birthday. Every year on his birthday and death day my dad scans photos and sends them to us all. My dad sent me this with a note telling me how much I look like my grandfather. I don’t look like my mom or my dad and seeing that I really do look like him especially with these photos side by side…made my day.

2. Pho soup. Delicious!!

3. My ability to getting my anxiety down is getting better and better. I had a small “freak out” over a situtation with a client today that probably was not THAT big a deal but still shook me as it made me feel like my integrity as an esthetician was at stake. Letting the anger/anxiety go and not letting it completely and totally ruin the rest of my night like it might have at one point is always something I value.

4. Laughing. I laughed until I couldn’t breathe tonight, it was awesome.

5. I ran today. I hope I never take being physical and active for granted. You can get sick or injured at any moment and I have really come to realize it’s a privilege to have a body that works and runs and walks and goesgoesgoes.

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So yes…I ,Genevieve, am a complete slacker and havent written in here at all.

I really have no excuse other than I haven’t felt motivated to write. Money is REALLY tight lately and its set a cloud of perma-funk over my life. Its all I think about but the last thing I want to do is sit around and just complain about how little money I have. Yet here I am…doing so. I know I am far from the only person dealing with this but this is my first foray into the world of  ”I just bounced my rent check and god am I ashamed”. It is far scarier than I could have ever imagined. I just keep saying to myself over and over and over “it will get better” and “this is good and teaches you things you didn’t know before” I know for a fact that money does not bring happiness but I am also learning that being stretched SO thin can be an ugly awful feeling and leaves you lying awake at night wondering if you will be able to pay all your bills, let alone have money to get the dog some food.

Maybe I need to pay more attention to the things I tell myself in my art journal?

One good thing about being tight on $$ is that I have been cooking A LOT more! I actually like cooking…who knew?

Among some of the things I have cooked:

Poblano, Black Bean, and  Mango Quesdillas

My friends Ellen, Lauren, and I made these one night and they were DELICIOUS.

Spaghetti Squash with Avocado Pesto

First off let me say spaghetti squash is just weird! I wanted very much to like it but it really is just odd.

It really just in no shape or form will EVER replace spaghetti for me. Sorry squash. Its fun ripping it all up after you cook it though…just not really fun eating it.

BUT

the avocado pesto sauce was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

Mmmmmmmmm.

And last but not least,

(image by skinnychef.com)

rosemary sweet potato fries.

So amazingly delicious. Add in a garlic basil dipping sauce and you are in HEAVEN. I changed the dipping sauce recipe and instead of mayo used greek yogurt. EVEN MORE AWESOME!

In case you didn’t get the memo, greek yogurt is my new downfall and I will never go back to regular yogurt again.

Lucky for me Costco sells it (not my favorite brand boo-hoo) so I dont go even more broke by buying copious amounts of yogurt. If you want to really go hardcore buy the 0% Fage and just add some honey. It’s so simple, so yummy, and 120 calories with 20 grams of PROTEIN and NO FAT!

Side note: since I have been spending so much more time in my kitchen, I realized the other day that my FAVORITE PART of my kitchen is all damaged from a leak

This is very sad.

On the running front, I am on week 4 of my training for my half. All systems go! This Sunday I will conquer 4 miles! The race is 80 days away. I have so far to go and I know I am going to really be hating myself for even doing this the closer the race gets…but I want it so bad.

All the animals are wonderful and make me happy when nothing else does.

It was VERY cold here for awhile so the puppies bundled up outside.

GOOOOOOOOOOO!

A very dashing Kodak.

Roxy braving some icy winds.

HELLO!

anddd Stubbs, who never fails to be weirder and weirder each week.

This is where she now hangs out during the day…halfway under the couch with her legs sticking out.

Oh hai.

One last Roxy photo because she is teenytinytinytiny and cute!

I am so proud of her. She has bounced back from her surgery so well and been so brave and every day I am so happy she is still here being her barky huffly burrowy snuggley self.

I’ll end this entry with two photos that make my ovaries explode…

Matt and his adorable nephew jamming out with some chopsticks.

G-Money out!

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http://www.firstgiving.com/genevievemunn

Tags: body image
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First off high five if you get the above title. Old school SNL FTW!

Ive been thinking A LOT about self-esteem lately, probably because mine is pretty low lately. Ive put back on the weight that I lost last year (not all but more than just a few pounds) and my skin is broke out thanks to stress  of the Roxy’s surgery/holidays/said weight gain(not a huge deal…except I WORK in skincare and people look at my skin as a judgement of what I am able to do for them). Add in the usual (I hate how my nose droops, I hate my underbite, I wish my hips were smaller,etcetcetc) and you have a insecure whiny pity party-havin’ Genevieve.

You can hide it all you want and believe that your feelings about your body, your face, about who you are and what you look like can only be heard in your head…but I have finally had the maturity/insight to understand that it literally seeps out of your pores. I walk around all day hyper-aware of my looks and my distaste of them. I know I make comments to people (meant to be wry and funny) but Im sure my comments are quite transparent of how I feel. No matter how silly I act or how much I try to not be fishing for compliments or assurance from co-workers, friends, family I am finally realizing it probably is a)perceived that way some of the time b) I am probably sometimes seeking approval and c) loving me is exhausting.

We’ll get back to that last part in a minute. I have realized in the last week I am really good at passing off my insecurities on other people. I think in my head that if people told me I was pretty or that I had a great body, I would be happier. I say to myself that if my boyfriend told me I was beautiful more often, I wouldn’t feel so bad. I am constantly believing that if other people validate me the way I need/want I would feel better thus placing blame that the real reason I feel so crummy about my appearance…is everyone else’s  fault.

The amusing and ironic thing is it really doesnt matter what you say to me, I’ll still find a way to think you don’t mean it. No matter how much you tell me ,I will never feel satisfied that I am not ugly and chubby. My dad tells me I am beautiful all the time, every picture he takes of me he says how photogenic I am , how I have the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen and I always scoff at him and roll my eyes. My friends tell me how cute I am and how they love my figure…I always look at them with skepticism. It does not matter what you try to say, I will most likely turn you away before the words have even left your mouth. As you can imagine, quite a few people who meant a lot to me have said in an exasperated tone “that I am exhausting to love” and “they can’t win either way”

The famous qoute says “You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy.”
I always smirk when I hear this, because at the rate I have been going…I guess I am impossible/incapable of loving anyone. KIDDING!! But in all seriousness, how do I get past this? How do I learn to accept and BELIEVE a compliment? Most importantly, how do I not care about whether another person tells me Im pretty again?

Deep thoughts…deep deep thoughts.

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First and foremost, it is FREEZING. According to the weather channel it is currently 17 degrees…but thanks to the crazy winds, it feels like -3. I need to run today but I am REALLY debating it. I cant run on the treadmill because I am terrfied it will set my hip off (I ran on a treadmill a few days before my hip bursitis began in March, I still wonder if that played a part) and Im not sure I can mentally handle running around the indoor track at the gym (13 laps = 1 mile. UGH) So I may have to put up or shut up and hopefully not die while I do my run.

This shirt Matt got me for Christmas will come in handy!

Speaking of which, I took down the tree last night. It was my first tree since I started living on my own. Goodbye little tree. Have fun in the scary basement until next year!

Best ornament ever! Matt’s mom gave it to me! She also gave me a dachsund made out of a wrench and a little beanie baby doxie. My dachshund collection is slowly growing! (thank you laura!)

Roxy is doing AMAZING. She has shown me what a strong little dog she is and pretty much taken me by total surprise. She is putting weight on her right leg, able to run, and totally back to her nutty ways. All within 2 weeks of having major surgery, one of her discs taken out completely, and having a blood transfusion!!! The hardest part right now is getting her to slow down, not run whenever she feels like it, and keep her off the couch and stairs.

She got her staples out a few days ago…all 13 of them!

Now that she is feeling better, I can go back to annoying her!!

New Years was very nice.

Matt’s band plays at a hotel every year which means free dinner, free room, dancing, and a midnight kiss.

I was lazy and wore the same dress from last year (picture featured is from last year). I couldnt find anything I liked for this year as everything is TOO short and bubble dresses make me look HUGE.

Matt on the other hand looked quite snazzy. Check the red snakeskin shoes yo.

I like him.

I look like Im grabbing his junk but Im not, just pointing out his fancy shoes.

Pictures of the band and midnight.

Matt is always hidden in the back. I dont think people even see him!

This was before I snuck my own kiss on stage.

My tired tired feet at the end of the night after a long day of work and then some dancing.

I started Gaining New Years Eve, first of my goals for the new year will soon be accomplished!!!

And since I mentioned that, I should get on my running clothes and get to steppin’

Ive  got 104 days to be half-marathon ready.

I am nervous that I may be making a goal I cannot complete but in the end I will at least be more than ready to conquer the Apple Blossom 10k in May!

Ahhhhhhhh!

EDIT: For all those interested, after writing this blog I DID go run. 20 minutes in weather that felt absolutely frigid. My toes are still trying to warm up. I feel like a superhero!

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