I weighed myself for the first time since Thanksgiving. The number was once again NOT what I imagined it would be and while initially VERY disappointed and ashamed..I realized maybe numbers REALLY don’t matter that fucking much. One would assume after over a decade of eating disorder therapy, groups, nutritionists, books, etc etc etc this would be an easy pill to swallow but it has never been easy. For someone who loathes math so much, I give numbers the utmost importance: the “right” weight, the “right” size, the “right” amount of calories/fat/protein, she/he ate this so I ate that, blahfreakinblah.
I know I look better than I did in November irregardless of how much I have lost (or not lost in this case). I know I am in better shape. My clothes fit so much better and people tell me that I look good/smaller. Its not my ideal size/weight and I know I can look leaner and would like to…but maybe a number is just that…a number.
It’s a thought and just a thought but I am giving it more “weight” than I ever have before.

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